I Believe in You

Posted by in Vietnam Letters | 2 comments

I Believe in You

Frank had panicked when the mail did not arrive on time but once he finally received my letters and realized that I was never going to stop loving him, it would relieve his worries.

I would write back to Frank about the letters he had sent to me while he was so upset but it will take a while for him to get my response.  In the meantime, he kept writing to me apologizing and telling me how much he loved me.

April 7, 1971

Dear Nancy.

Am I forgiven yet?  I feel like the most foolish man in the world.  I won’t go into that again.  I did last night and I’m getting tired of being a fool.  Looking back on it all, I can’t see why or how I wrote that letter to you.  I must have been out of my mind.

We’ve got something that people all over the world want and I still get upset and worried about it.  It’s so perfect I can’t believe it.  Me the most unlucky guy in the world gets a break and finally comes out a winner.  It’s hard to believe it.  I’ll swear to God that I now believe it. I’ve believed in it all the time but after the way, I felt after that letter, I’m thoroughly convinced.  I’m not saying that I didn’t believe in you or your love but I still had my weak moments. 

It’s funny but now I have gained some strength to the point where when I have these weak moments again, I can face up to them and fight them off. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  I’m guilty and I offer my heart to you to look at and know that I’m truly deeply sorry.  Honey, I just love you and sometimes this love burdens my mind down.  I’m not complaining.  I’m sure you feel the same way sometimes. But when it isn’t heavy it’s great. I can sit in rain and never feel it. 

I was sitting outside last night and thinking of you and someone said, “Hey stupid it’s raining” and by golly it was and I was soaked but I didn’t even realize it.  The only other thing I’m going to say or even mention it is to say that I love you, Darling and I have never regretted one minute of loving you and I never will.

How’s the job?  Getting boring?  I hope not.  Seen any good movies lately?  Hey,k I saw the “Love Bug” about a week ago.  The one about the VW that was almost human.  I really enjoyed it.

Darling do you have places picked out to go to in California?  Have you been thinking about it much?  What would you think about taking an extra week and go back in the woods at my Uncle’s cabin?  We can take walks out in the woods and sit by the fire and talk and look up at the stars and just relax.  We can both use it.

We can go before California or afterward.  If we go before I’ll have to come home but I don’t want anyone else to know.  I don’t want to see anyone else.  I don’t want anyone, not my folks, yours, or anybody to know.  My time is ours and by ours, I mean mine and yours.  Oh, I’m going to be in the best mood and the happiest guy you’ve ever seen.  Whichever way you want to do it let me know.  It makes no difference to me, I just want us to be alone.

Baby, you said your hair was getting long.  Wonderful.  Can I brush it every night?  Also, how about letting me put you to sleep by rubbing your back?  Back? Naked!  Oh my God, my horns just grew another 2 inches.  Seriously, these things I didn’t think of doing then I want to do so much now.  I love you.

Right now I’d better shut it off.  I’ve reached the part where I’m lost for words.  So until later be good and love me as you always have.  I love you to the infinite power.  May God listen to my prayers of you and keep you safe and well till I can look after you myself.

Your Loving Hubby,

Frank

P.S.  “Happiness is Love”

Frank had not heard back from me in regard to his letters from the 4th, 5th, and 6th of April.  They are on the way but I had not received them yet.  It is obvious to me that something was holding up the mail and taking it longer to get to us.

One thing you will notice in all of these letters,  Frank was only calling me, Nancy.  He called me, Nancy when he was very serious in what he had to say or when expressing his deepest feelings.

April 8, 1971

Dear Nancy,

I’m just going to write this short note for now.  I just want you to know that everything is all right and I’m safe and I love you so very much.

I got your letter today about the tape and Cathy coming.  By the time you get this, she will already have gone but I hope that you’ll have a good time together.  I know you will.

Can you believe it?  Five letters in a row.  Wow!  You must think I’m going nuts.  Well, not exactly.  It’s just I think you worry about me and this way maybe I can ease your mind a bit. 

I can’t promise to write every day because if I did it would be this short but if you want me to I will. Though days like today I have to hurry because they keep us pretty busy.  I know that this is a shortie but that’s the way it goes. 

Just remember Darling, I love you with every ounce of being in my entire body and I always will.  Be good and take care of yourself.

Your Loving Hubby,

Frank

P.S.  You owe me a kiss.

Cathy was our neighbor and my best friend while we were in Okinawa.  She, her husband, and their baby boy had just arrived back to the states.  We had kept in touch through letters, so she decided to bring the baby and come to visit me.

Cathy’s husband had been in Vietnam for a year before they went to Okinawa.  It was so good to have someone that I could talk to about my concerns and worries.

This next letter will shed a little more light on the mail situation.  Evidently, it was a two-way street of not getting mail and worry.

April 10, 1971

Dear Nancy,

How’s the only wife I have, doing?  The reason you’re the only wife, I have or ever will have is because you’re the only one I’ll ever want or need. I got a letter from you today and you asked if my arm was broke.  No, it’s not.  I write to you, pretty good, I thought.  You even said so about two letters back. 

 I write at least every other day and for the last five days, I wrote every day.  Already, I’ve written more letters than I ever have in my life.  Be patient.  The mail get’s held up quite often.

You said you were worried by what you had been hearing in the news.  You wanted to know how bad it is over here.  You’re worried about my safety, you say.  Well, my safety lies in being at peace of mind.  And Baby, when a guy loves a gal like I love you then there is peace of mind. When I hear from you and read of your love, Honey, I’m in heaven. 

Don’t worry about me.  Just keep waiting for me, Honey and I’ll be there.  You say you can’t stand the thought of ever being separated again.  What makes you think I’ll ever let you go long enough to be separated.  I want you by my side for always. I love you so very much. 

I‘ve got so much to say to you when I get back.  So many things that I’ve neglected to say before that I long to say now.  I just love you and I want to prove my love to you over and over again.

Honey, today I ordered your anniversary gift from me.  They finally got some order blanks in.  It may get there late because it has to go to Japan and then be packaged, insured, and mailed from there.  I sent it Airmail, so I hope it gets there on time. They may want to charge a customs charge but I don’t think so. 

If it doesn’t get there before May 8th then forgive me.  Our anniversary is sacred to me and I tried so hard to make it.  You just can’t go down to a shop and buy it and go to the nearest post office and mail it. It takes order blanks, money orders, commanders certificate, standing in line for at least an hour, customs tags, and mailing it.  It should make it in time.

Well, I guess it’s time to hit the rack, so be good and love me like you do.  I’ll pray for you tonight as I do every night and don’t ever forget I love you with all my heart, mind, and soul.

Your Loving Husband,

Frank

P.S.  Tell H.E.C.K. that they had better mind you or “big daddy” is going to do some house cleaning when he gets back.

You might want to know what H.E.C.K. stands for.  H is for Homer, our black and white cat, we shipped home from Okinawa.  E is for Ebony, our solid black puppy that Frank got for me before he left for Vietnam.  C is for Candy, our Siamese cat that we shipped home from Okinawa.  K is for Kitty, our kitten that I found and took in while Frank was in Vietnam.  Evidently, Frank decided that H.E.C.K. was a great short name for them.

The 28th of March 1971 there were lots of things going on in Vietnam.  Thirty American soldiers were killed at Fire Support Base name Mary Ann.  Things that happened there were unexpected and deadly.  Laos was a mess.

The 31st of March 1971, Lt. William Calley was sentenced for life imprisonment and hard labor at Fort Leavenworth for his role in the My Lai massacre.

Charles Manson and some of his ladies were on trial for horrendous crimes and jury was asking for him to have the death penalty.

There was lots of protest going on against the Vietnam War in the United States.  Times were very unsettling.

Meanwhile, Frank was in Vietnam, writing me letters, and telling me how much he loved me.

April 12, 1971

Dear Nancy,

I love you.  It’s wonderful, isn’t it?  Loving you is just the most wonderful thing in the world.  What could be more wonderful?

I’ve got a little game I play when I get depressed.  I think of what I’d get if I could have anything in the world I wanted.  I always get the same answer.  I’d want love and along with that love a woman that loves me more than anything else and that makes me very happy and that I make happy.  That’s what I’d wish for. 

Then Pow!  “Man, you crazy or something?  That’s exactly what you’ve got.”

There is really nothing I want more than I want and need you.  I’ve got you and your love, so why should I be depressed?  I don’t want eternal life.  What would living forever do for me without you by my side?  I don’t wish for a million dollars.  What good would money be if you weren’t there to share it with me?  I don’t wish for fame.  What good would being famous be if you weren’t there to be proud of me?

What I’m trying to say is this, I need you, Nancy.  I’m perfectly happy having only you and nothing else.  You’re my entire life and without you, I wouldn’t want life at all.  I love you so dearly Nancy.

I got the box from your folks yesterday.  I thank you and them for sending it.  I really appreciated it.  Be sure and tell them thanks.  I’ll try and get a letter off soon and thank them myself.

Hey, have I told you lately that I love you?  I do you know.

Hey, I read about all that money in the bank.  When’re we buying it?  I’m so very very proud of you, Nancy.  How do you do it?  You’re eating, aren’t you?  You’d best be.  Don’t do without.  I kid a lot but there are some things I don’t kid about and one of those is your health.

Now listen to me, damn it.  You eat like a normal human.  None of these crash diets now.  Eat the right amount of vegetables and everything.  Maybe you don’t realize how precious you are to me.  I don’t want you ever to be sick or feel bad. 

Woman, I love you so much.  You’re everything to me.  So, please take care of yourself.  I couldn’t go on without you.  That’s right, big old me, depends on and needs a fragile thing like you.  It seems funny that I need something like you to make my life worthwhile.?  That without you, I don’t want to live.  Can you see how much I love you?  If you can’t then just believe me when I say, I love you.

Nancy, I’ve got to close now so the old pigs can do their work.  So, just remember I love you for now and for always.  Goodnight my love and may God bless you and keep you safe.

Yours for Always,

Frank

As I sit here, reread, and type these letters written to me so long ago from my twenty-one-year-old husband, I realize that he never changed.  Frank was the same man all of his life and he loved me with all of his heart.  Vietnam did not change Frank but it deeply reinforced his belief in God, love, marriage, the morality of man, and respect for all women.  It amazes me that at his age he could think so deeply.  Not a doubt in my mind why he still owns my heart and soul.

As Frank said in one of his letters, love me like you do.

 

<<<<< Love Letters from the Heart  | Next Chapter >>>>>

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 Comments

  1. “It amazes me that at his age he could think so deeply.” This says exactly what I am thinking about Frank. It is amazing how deep such a young man could be. We need more like that today. It is so encouraging to hear of that kind of love in a marriage which lasted through the years. You were committed to one another, and you didn’t let anything come in between. I don’t know if I told you about this, but I remember working with a young lady who was about to be married. We were sitting at the lunch table at work, and the statement she made really shocked me. She said, “If it doesn’t work out, we can always get a divorce.” My first thought was that she would probably be divorced before the marriage went very far. That doesn’t show real love, at least not to my mind. Without that foundation, I don’t see how a marriage could last. I have no idea what happened to her, but I often wonder where she is today and what her life is like. Thanks for sharing these beautiful letters. God bless you.

    • Thank you, Diane for seeing and really knowing Frank. He was always like a true ray of sunshine, a true leader and a deep thinker.
      I remember watching him leaning against a fence after he had mow the yard looking like he was in deep thought. I asked him what he was thinking and he told me that he was thinking how great it was to be alive and being so much in love with me. Our love was so deep and committed to each other.
      I can not imagine how anyone would not work at making their marriage work.
      I wonder about your young coworker too, by starting out a marriage without commitment. I pray she figured it out before she married. Marriage is a sacred thing between God and the two people getting married. Those vows should be forever binding.
      God Bless You,Diane and thank you for reading and commenting.
      Love Nancy

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *