What Was I Thinking?

People are gonna quit inviting me places.  I have no doubt that this is true unless they are in for some new comic relief of some kind.

Being sixty-nine years old has had its challenges but I have tried to make sure that others do not know the absolutely dumb things I do.   When you get my age you realize that everyone is looking for those telltale signs of dementia.  Of course, in my case, I have never remembered names, just faces, so that should be acceptable for a while.

I have a system that helps though, it’s called the ABC system.  To use this system, you just start saying the ABCs until hopefully, the person’s name will come to you when reaching the first letter of their name.  It works, sometimes.

Since I am surrounded by a family who has photographic memories, I am definitely handicapped and challenged around them. Watching a movie with these people is unbelievable because they quote the dialogue of the actors before the actors speak their lines.  They remember all the punchlines in jokes, too.

Of course, they tell me names before I can get through the ABC system, so it adds to my handicap and increases my challenges or they wave their hands in a come-on-get-it-out fashion.  Like I’m not trying to get the ole wheels in my brain moving faster!  Geez!

Okay, so all of the above has nothing to do with this post.  I just threw it in to get a little sympathy before I tell you what my latest goof-up was.

Last night after attending a dinner party at my son’s vacation rental home, I went to my Expedition, got in, started it, and got ready to back out the driveway.  It had been raining off and on all day but the driveway was gravel with some nice black rubber borders.

They were loading a vehicle behind me, so I decided to follow the long driveway forward because I was sure there was a turnaround at the end of it.  Backing out at night when the two-car driveway takes a turn then becomes a one car driveway, is not something fun for me.  Daylight not problem but at night big problem.

My Expedition does not have a fancy-see-everything-behind-you screen in the console.  It requires me turning, looking backward, and trying to see the dang road in the dark.  The side mirrors are not reliable because they put in those crazy mirrors that have a warning on them saying, “Things Are Closer Than they Appear in the Mirror”.  Really?  Why not just say, “You’re Screwed If You Use These Mirrors”.

Anyway, I drove forward on the long drive but when getting closer to the end of it, I realized there was no turnaround.  Okay, now I had to decide to back up for quite a distance and maybe take out the shed house or just pull into the grass on the side of the driveway then back up and turnaround.  Did I mention that it rained off and on all day?

I pulled into the grass, put the Expedition in reverse, and pushed the gas-peddle.  The back tires started to spin, so I put the dang thang in drive and tried to pull forward but the back tires just spun in the grass.  Of course, I tried this at least three more times then I got out of the vehicle and realized as my feet touched the ground that it was like dang quicksand.  One look at the back tires of my vehicle and I knew there was a big problem.

I walked back to the house and told them all I needed help because I was stuck.  They looked at me in disbelief with a question in their eyes saying, “How can she be stuck?”, but they followed me to the vehicle then they realized that the vehicle was stuck.  Of course, they asked me why I was back there and if I knew it had rained all day.  I acknowledged that I did know it had rained but that I didn’t think it rained enough for quicksand to form. Not the best answer.  HA! HA!

Looking at their faces as they looked at me, I could tell that I was one step closer to being put in a “Rest and She Can’t Be Trusted Home”.  I thought about trying to explain why I had decided to turn the vehicle around but I knew at that very moment,  being silent was probably my best option.

It took my son, his wife, three of my Grandsons, my Granddaughter and I pushing the front of that car to get the back tires out of the muddy ruts and back up on that gravel driveway.  They would not let me try to turn it around.  My Granddaughter see-sawed it back and forth on the driveway until it was headed towards the house.

My Grandson and his wife were facing me in their car while backing down the driveway, so I turned my lights to just parking lights as I slowly pulled forward while they backed up.  When I got even with the front porch of the house several of them yelled, “Your lights aren’t on Meme!”, so I rolled down the passenger window to tell them what I was doing and why just the parking lights were on.  Hey, I was already one step closer to that “HOME”, wasn’t gonna be two steps closer.

I drove home thinking that I was an absolute total idiot but then again they just think I’m old.  HA! HA! Sixty-nine years old has been so much fun for them all and I can’t wait to share more fun with them when I turn seventy.  Of course, I will try to let them think I have wised up some to stay out of the HOME.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tvEvBUG8mY

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