What is that Green Smog?

Believe me, all parents need to read this informative blog.

This particular information is not passed on to other parents because of its delicate nature and the unusual fear it evokes.

It is totally unbelievable and unexpected that it could happen to you.  The only way to prevent this from happening to you, as a parent, would be to just not have children at all, send them off to boarding school at a young age of twelve for seven years, or adopt them at the age of twenty.   Believe me, when it happens to you, you will think about the options you could have chosen.

Okay, here’s the deal.  However you may have become a parent, does not really matter, you will not be spared this happening to you.  No matter how hard you pray, God will not help you because it is part of his plan for procurement future generations.

You have been so successful in your parenting.  Clothespins on your nose have gotten you through those smelly, yucky diapers, quick action with burp cloths have caught that untimely upheaval of projectile spit-up, the terrible twos fits are over, and the terrifying threes are nearly forgotten.   Your child can now walk, talk, sing, feed themselves, and even clean their own room.  You have raised an amazing little person, so you can pat yourself on the back thinking there is nothing you can not do.  Wrong!

About twelve years old you child decides they need more privacy.  They may even hang a sticky note on their bedroom door saying, Keep Out!.  Since you remember what an awesome job you have done raising them, you decide that they may need a little space just of their own, so you set up a few ground rules like:

1.  No eating in your room and you will come out to eat with your amazing parents at the kitchen table
2.  All dirty clothes must be put in the dirty clothes hamper in the laundry room
3. No opposite sex in their bedroom.  After all, there is a den.
4. Sheets must be changed once a week.
5. Their bedroom must be dusted and vacuumed once a week.

What could happen?  You can pat yourself on the back once again!

Then it happens.  You are walking by your child’s closed bedroom door and you see it.  Against all rules of privacy, you open the door.  Your jaw drops, your eyes widen then start watering as the scent hits your nose.  Quickly you slam the door closed!  Has something died in your child’s room?  Why is a green smog hovering near the floor?  Should you call an exterminator?

You realize that you have to go back in but you are aware that you need equipment.  Running in the kitchen you grab the Febreze, bleach, clothespin for your nose, and rubber gloves.  The next place you must go is to the garage to get some goggles for your eyes, a rake, a shovel, rubber wading boots, a broom, and dustpan.  You are now ready.

After putting on the goggles, gloves, and rubber wading boots, you hold the Febreeze can in front of you with your right-hand pointer finger on the trigger as you open the door with your left hand.  You enter the room spraying the Febreeze quickly in front of you.  You use the whole can of Febreze spraying the entire room all the while looking for the source of the green smog, then you spot where it is coming from.

Thrown in the corner of the room are your child’s tennis shoes and they are oozing green puberty fog!  You run for the shovel you have left in the kitchen on your way back from the garage then you return quickly, scoop up the tennis shoes onto the shovel, run to the back door, and toss those tennis shoes outside into the grass.

If you have a dog in your backyard, they will absolutely tuck their tail, yelp, and run away from those tennis shoes,  Trust me, your dog’s sense of smell is better than yours. You may have even noticed that your dog has been avoiding your child.   You will need to apologize to your dog later and give them a treat.

This proud parent is the beginning of puberty green smog shoes.   Washing them doesn’t work.  Odor Eaters only last about a week.  Febreze sprayed directly into the shoes may last only a day.  My advice to you is to find a dry open place like a patio where your child can take off their shoes because it is a must that they leave them outside in the open air.   It is a must that you leave your child’s shoes outside!

If your child has friends his age or up to the age of twenty, they should not be allowed to take their shoes off inside your home.  Remember the deadly green smog rises quickly from those puberty shoes.  You do not need more pairs in your home.

Why do parents not tell other parents of this puberty green smog?  All parents need a break from a puberty child’s ups and downs which is a combination of the terrible twos and terrifying threes experience, so you just look at each other, nod your head as if you understand then silently draw straws as to who gets to have the puberty children and their green smog shoes over to spend the night.  Of course, you will provide clothespins, goggles, and extra Febreze.

Don’t say I didn’t warn Y’all. Oh and by the way the green puberty smog is not sexist!

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