Toilet Refurbish 101, DIY Widow

Yoga and Toilets

One “thang” that I know for sure is, God did not invent the porcelain throne, man invented it.  How do I know this?  For one thang,  it is always sitting in a tight spot between a cabinet and a wall which makes it impossible to access the bolts to unloosen/tighten them or even clean the toilet.

A woman would not have done this.

If the toilet needs repair below are the steps I would suggest to you.

1. Pick up your deceased husband’s picture, look at it, and tell him how much you love him.

2. Ask God to make sure He supplies your heavenly husband with really good running shoes, just in case He should call you to Heaven suddenly while repairing the toilet.

3. Get your purse, get in your vehicle and drive to the nearest place that has toilet supplies. Tell them exactly what you are going to do, act dumb, and they will gladly help you find what you need. They will even break down the instructions in the simple form which they will so kindly tell you into words a small child could understand. Smile big then load your supplies into your vehicle and drive home.

4. You will need tools out of your husband’s shop or whatever. Remember things will not be where you expect them to be. You are a woman. He was a man. If you can’t find something, walk outside, look to the sky and loudly ask him, “Where is it?” then walk back in and you will be surprised how quickly you will find what you need.

5. You will need a screwdriver and pliers but you will NOT need a hammer, that is unless you should crack the porcelain by tightening the nuts too tightly. You will understand why if that should happen and you will also know what to do with the hammer.

6. Take your tools and new supplies into the bathroom. Take a deep breath because you a fixing to enter another realm of reality in which your body will be twisted in directions and ways you could never imagine.

7. Find the water supply line for the toilet and pray there is a turn off knob. If so, turn off the water to the toilet. If not, leave the bathroom, walk outside and shut the main water line off to your home then go back into the bathroom.

8. Flush the toilet, take off the tank lid, put a bucket under the water line at the base of the tank, and then untighten the water supply line from the bottom of the tank. Which will basically require you to stand on your head between the toilet and the wall trying to see what you are doing then let the water drain out into the bucket.

9. Unscrew and take out the dumaflache that sticks in the tank that the supply line was connected to then replace it with the new one you bought. Make sure it is facing the same direction. Reattach the water supply line to the bottom of the tank. Some yoga will be required. Attach the tube thangy on the dumaflache to the pipe in the middle of the toilet with the rubber stopper thangy on it.

10. Dag-nabbit, just go ahead and replace the rubber stopper thangy because it probably needs it too.

11. Hopefully that has all lined up well for you and the stopper is adjusted correctly with the flushing handle. If not, you’re on your own as to how to get it lined up.

12. Replace the toilet tank lid, turn the water on and pray you do not have to call a plumber.
Remember God did not invent the porcelain throne!  Man did it.

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