Third Anniversary Blues

Posted in Vietnam Letters | 2 comments

Frank has written “Happiness is Love” many times in his letters.

This saying came off of a big card I sent him while he was in Vietnam. The card had Snoopy dancing on the front of it with “Happiness is Love” above Snoopy’s head.

Frank kept it taped to the wall next to the side of his bed.  On that same wall, he kept taped pictures that his four-year-old little sister, Cindy, had colored for him.  Another really special thing that Frank and Cindy did, was to send each other freckles through letters.

Frank was pretty down in the dumps in his next letter to me.  This was his first letter written to me in May of 1971.

May 2, 1971

Dear Nancy,

Well, when you get this letter it’ll probably be our anniversary.  I want you to know that you’re the most wonderful and precious thing in my life. 

Nancy, I love you so much that life is unbearable without you. You’re what makes the sunrise every morning, you make the moon and stars shine so brightly at night, you cause my heart to swell to the bursting point just by your smile, and most important you make my life worth living. Nothing seems to matter when I don’t have you near me.  Everything I did was based around you.  I did things to get your reaction. Now my life has no purpose. 

Why do I get up in the morning?  Because I have to.  I want to get up in the morning to be with you.  I want to wake up and feel you laying next to me and see your face.  I want to see you wake up and see me and smile and reach for me.

I am so sick of this damn place.  I’m sick to hell with it.  It’s raining outside.  A typhoon is headed this way, there is no water for a shower or even to brush your teeth.  My anniversary the most important day of a year and I’m thousands of miles away from the only thing I want.

Boy, the blues have had me for days now.  It’s an impossible situation.  I know it.  All the advice I’ve given you on being brave and strong and facing the problem and accepting it, here I am so depressed I’m thinking of throwing a hand grenade at the beggars.  How about that I still can joke, so I must not be too bad off.

I’m sorry I’m so depressed Nancy but all I’ve been thinking of is in six days you and I will have been married for three years.  Our marriage is beautiful and something sacred.  I should be there to look in your eyes and tell you just how thankful I am.  My place is by your side to help you and be there when you need me.  I’m truly sorry I can’t. 

That’s what’s tearing me up. I’m sorry Nancy that things are this way.  I know that at times you need me just as I need you to be there.  I’m failing you in this. I know you understand and don’t blame me but I want you to know that I’m aware of my responsibilities as your husband and I’m sorry that things are the way they are.  These things I had to get off my chest.  I just love you so much and it hurts me to have to be away from you.

Hey, I didn’t get any mail for three days and presto today I got three letters from none other than my loving wife.  looks like we got a new carpenter in the family.  (The title was really yours after showing the old champ up on that doghouse.) HA!  That stereo cabinet sounds great and I can’t wait to get a picture of it and you beside it.  Is it in the nude?  The table you dirty minded thing. HA!  HA!  Things like that really make me proud of you.

Don’t worry about the anniversary gift you ordered.  It’s not the gift, it’s what May the 8th stands for that makes it such an important day.  I got the most wonderful present on the 8th of May 1968 and you know what?  It still is my most treasured gift and I’ve got a hunch that it always will be.

My gift will be a little late too, I’m afraid.  I thought it would make it if I sent it airmail but it doesn’t look like it will.  But you know what’s in my heart so I hope that will do till then.

You asked about quitting your job because you felt you were neglecting me.  That’s bullshit and you know it.  You’ve never neglected me.  I have yet to meet a man who’s wife neglects him so well as you do.  I’ve already gotten more packages than most guys receive in a year.  No one receives a letter a day and you neglect me?  I very seriously doubt it. If you want to quit your job it’s alright with me.  But don’t quit because of me because Baby you’ve never neglected me and I doubt you ever will.  Do what you think is best.  I’m behind you.

We’ve been recommended for a Presidental Unit Citation.  Groovy huh?  Seems that someone appreciated us saving their necks.

Drawing of people, animals and love

Drawing By Theresa

Got a letter from Lloyd and Theresa today about 40 pages long, including a drawing by Theresa of us.  I’ll send it to you.  Those two are really sold on you, kid.  Theresa said some great things about you and I’m so proud of you.  Don’t let on I told you because I want to hear more.  I love hearing about you cause it really makes me proud of you, Darling.

Hey, what happened to my tape? 

 I’m listening to Johnny Rivers.

“Going Back to Big Sur”

It’s a cold and rainy Friday night, city lights got me all uptight.

My minds wondering far away, vibrations tell me it’s time to leave L.A.

Going back to Dixie, this time I might just stay.

Going back and straighten out my mind just south of Monterrey.

A little cabin quiet and alone, no television and no telephone.

Water trickling down a slick stream makes you wonder if it’s all just a dream.

Groovy people all around never try to put you down.

Makes you feel like someone new, they don’t care who you are or what you do.

I guess I’ll drive up Highway 1, dig the ocean, kiss the setting sun, see the stars dancing in the sky.

Kind of puts you on a natural high.

I’ll put it on a tape when I get some time off and send it to you.  It makes me think of going home.  They say home is where the heart is.  Well, you can bet my heart is in a little white frame house where there’s a woman who I call my wife. 

Honey, I love you so very much.  I’m sorry for my earlier depressed state.  Just by sitting down and writing you have brought me out of it. I love you so. You’re my wife and I have never regretted it.  I want you to know Darling that these last three years my life has begun and it has so much meaning now. 

I’ve loved every minute of it and I thank you so very much for making these last three years the most wonderful and beautiful life I could ever hope to have. In three years my love hasn’t wavered once just become stronger and stronger. 

You are my world and it’s beautiful loving you.  God bless you, my love, and just keep loving me like you always have.  I love you more than anything in the world.  Happy Anniversary, my Darling.  Thanks for life and love.

Your 3-year-old Husband,

Frank

P.S.  I love you

I think the above letter is the most beautiful letter I have ever read.  Of course, I am biased and the letter was written to me.  Frank never thought he could express himself with a pen on paper but he was wrong.  He had the most beautiful way of writing what was in his heart.  In person, he was no different, except I could also see his love for me in his beautiful eyes while he softly held me in his arms.

In Frank’s next letter he is having a terrible headache.  He had these sometimes and would probably be what we call migraines now.  Sometimes wearing his glasses would help.  Inadvertently he had left them at home and when he let me know in a letter, I had sent them to him.

May 5, 1971

Dear Nancy,

Hey, I love you.  Old news huh?  Old maybe but still good news.  I’m sorry.  I didn’t write last night. I felt my headache coming on all day yesterday.  You know the ones I get from not wearing my glasses.

Well, last night was the worst I’ve ever had. I thought I was going insane.  My head hurt so bad that I felt like throwing up.  I beat my head against the wall and everything.  I really thought I was going nuts.  That’s why I couldn’t write last night.  I was too busy beating my head against the wall.  HA! HA!

I got your package yesterday and thanks for the frisbee and stuff.  But thanks most of all for thinking of me.  I love you so much.  Honey, just thanks for everything, your love, your devotion, and everything.  You’re my reason for living.

I’ve got to cut this short cause I didn’t get much sleep last night and the kid is tired.  So keep the old chin up and smile for me, please.  May God bless you and take care of you till I can.  Goodnight Darling.

Your Loving Hubby,

Frank

P.S.  No more cats, please.

P.S.P.S.  Or dogs or any animals.

P.S.P.S.P.S.  Where am I going to sleep?  255 DLITA!

It really concerned me that Frank had suffered from such a headache.  I wonder now how Agent Orange played into his headaches.  Frank had a lot of allergies and hayfever too.  Not sure the glasses were the answer to his headaches but they seemed to help sometimes.

Frank is really feeling low about not being with me on our Anniversary and it is constantly on his mind as that day draws near.   We took our Wedding Anniversary and the vows we had exchanged on that day very seriously.

Our first and second Anniversaries were celebrated in Okinawa.  On these two Anniversaries, we took a picnic lunch to the China Beach, enjoyed exploring the cliffs,  snorkeling with the beautiful colored fish, sitting on a blanket, talking to each other, and embracing each other as the sunset.

The only gifts we exchanged with each other were the love that came from our hearts as we looked at each other and held each other.  Best gifts ever.  Expensive gifts are worth nothing compared to looking into each other’s eyes, embracing, and hearing “I Love You”.  Priceless.

Frank had written to others asking them to help him to do some very special things for me for our Anniversary.  He was devastated at not being able to be there with me and I was devastated at not having him with me.

One of these things was an advertisement in the Bay City Tribune which ran on May 7, 1971.   This is what it said.

A

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

to

My Very Dear Wife

NANCY HENDERSON

from

Frank

DIRECT FROM PHU BUI, VIETNAM

The above words are surrounded by bees and butterflies.  Frank was a true romantic and he loved to surprise me.

Frank says some things in his next letter which are so special to me and pray evokes thought from others to open their eyes, see who is right there beside them, and have always been there.  He was such a deep thinker with truly deep emotions and feelings.

May 7, 1971

Dear Nancy,

Well, tomorrow is the day.  Tomorrow you’ve been my wife and life for three years.  Three years at 365 days a piece.  That’s 1095 days. 

Well, how does it feel to be an old married woman?  I hope it feels the same as it does to be an old married man.  Great.  Just Great.  I mean we’ve been married for three years not and our love has done nothing but grow.  Not go down.  No.  It’s gotten bigger and grander.   I feel more love for you now than I ever have.  I’m serious.  I love you so much now that I can’t begin to tell you. 

Not just because it’s our Anniversary but because I know now what I have.  Maybe by being away from you and realizing how much you mean to me.  Maybe that’s the reason I feel the way I do.   Sometimes it’s hard to realize what you have and what you need when you’re so close to it each day.  Now that I’ve sort of stepped back I can see just how much my very being depends on you. 

Man is just stupid.  To have something like you and then have to step back to really understand how much he needs that person is plain stupid. I only wish that I could have let you know before now just how much you mean to me.  Yet, I couldn’t see how much I meant to you before either.  Now I do and it warms my soul to know that you love me as much as you do. 

The thing about it is that these days of separation and loneliness that we now are going through will leave it’s impression on us forever. When we get really sore at one another we can always look back and remember how it was without each other.  That thought will always be with me.  I think that this is the reason I feel the way I always will.  That’s why I love you as I do.  I need you more than I ever have and the reason for this is because I realize now how much I have always needed you.

It’s like a kid.  When you take away his toy he really realizes how much he loved it.  Before he didn’t because it was there and he didn’t think about it.   It all boils down to the fact that I love you, my Darling and I love you more each day.  I only hope you love me as much.  I’ve always loved you but now I love you more.  Tomorrow, I’ll love you even more than today.

Happy Anniversary.  It’ll be late when you get this but I want you to know how I feel on this night.  God, I just love you so much, Darling.  Take care of yourself and remember me in your prayers as I do you.  I’m very proud to call you my wife.

Your Husband Forever,

Frank

P.S. I LOVE YOU!

As you can see, Frank started writing me letters at least a week before our Anniversary.  He wanted me to know how he was feeling, how much I was in his thoughts and how much he loved me.   This was very special me and he was a very special man.

The next letter I got from Frank is just a short note written on our Anniversary Day, May the 8th.

May 8, 1971

Dear Nancy, 

Just a short note.  I love you.

HAPPY 

ANNIVERSARY

DARLING.

Frank

Frank and I were separated physically for our Third Wedding Anniversary by miles and an ocean but our love for each other in hearts and souls were never separate on that day.

 

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2 Comments

  1. Nancy, I have to agree that the first letter is a beautiful letter, and so special to you. So often people say, “I love you,’ with little thought behind it. It becomes so ordinary and loses much of its meaning. But with Frank, it doesn’t matter how many times he says it, you know absolutely that he meant it emphatically. It’s easy to tell that he not only wrote beautiful letters, but that those letters came from a beautiful soul and spirit. You were blessed in having such a husband. Thank you for sharing. God bless you, my friend.

    • Thank you so much Diane. Sometimes as I type these letters that Frank wrote to me, I wonder if God had a purpose for them even then as Frank wrote them. Of course, they were for me back then but I know that God has another purpose. I am beginning to see those effects in some age groups of people. I am just honored to get to type Frank’s words.
      God Bless You and thank you for commenting.
      Love,
      Nancy

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