Helping Me Get Up

Posted in Vietnam Letters | 10 comments

Frank wanted me to tell him all of my feelings, upsets, and worries.   It would be hard for us to hold back sharing those things with each other because we only confided in each other.

We knew that sharing these things would upset each other because we were not in a position to help each other.  Sometimes we were strong enough to hold back our upsets and emotions when writing to each other but many times we failed.

On March 1, 1971, I failed miserably wallering in self-pity while writing a letter to Frank but he loved me so much that he would not let me sink into depression and self-pity.  Frank wrote me a letter giving me a little scolding even at the risk of me being upset with him.  We would both do this for each other which is a true sign of the deepest kind of love for one another.

The next letter was actually written on two days but mailed as one letter, so I have chosen to keep them together.

March 7, 1971,

Dear Nancy,

Well, I’ve got a bone to pick with you.  I want you to know before I start that I love you very much but I love you too much.  You upset me today very much.  I got two letters today from you.  One was a big card with a letter in it dated the 28th.  The other one was dated the 1st, that’s what I want to talk to you about.

I know it’s hard to talk with someone with words on paper but I’ve got to try.  I wrote you a depressing letter once and I know it brought you down, so I’ll never write another one.  Your letter from the 1st drug me so far down.

First off, I’ve told you time after time don’t worry about me.  I know that you can’t help it because you love me but don’t let it depress you so much.

Second, my big grip is about kids.  Hang the kids.  I need you more than any number of kids.  I need you not kids.  How many times do I have to tell you, I love you not your ability to have kids.

Third, you’re about as useless as my eyes and legs and arms.  You think you’re not needed? You think my whole life isn’t based around you?  Yes, you’re so damn useless that my gut kills me when I think of you.  So useless that I’d fight any man or obstacle that stood in the way of our love and our happiness.  So useless that every thought, every prayer, every dream, and every part of me belongs to you.  I just hope I’m that damn useless to you.

Fourth, when will the months pass?  When they pass, that’s when.  How many times do you think I’ve asked myself that question?  It makes me feel worse when I think and worry about it.  It’s going to get worse.  You’re going to be more lonely, more depressed, and need me more each day. If you can’t take it now, how will you take it in December?  On Christmas Eve?

Damn it, I love you just as much as you love me.  I get just as depressed as you, just as lonely, and I need you just as much.  Don’t think you’re suffering by yourself.  But how much easier does the hurting get by feeling sorry for yourself and moaning about it?  Makes it worse.

Stick that chin up and say, “What the hell, another 10 months is nothing.  Sure I’m lonely but so is he and he’ll make it and so will I.” Where’s that old Nancy?   The one who had guts?  The one who would suffer anything for me?  Has she decided I’m not worth it? 

You’re worth everything to me.  I’ll suffer any barrier to get back to you.  My love is too strong to let 12 months of separation put the fire out.  The 12 months are going to strengthen it if anything.

Darling, please don’t get upset or depressed.  Hell, I’m yours.  Every part of me is yours.  It will always be yours and yours alone as long as you want me to be.  As I’ve said before, my love can’t be helped or stopped. 

I’m so miserable over here but your love keeps me going. Just be strong.  Have the strength to have courage and the courage to have strength.  I’ll always love you.

Your Loving Husband,

Frank

P.S. Smile.

March 8, 1971

Dearest Nancy,

The above was written yesterday.  I got a letter from you today and I love you so very very much.  You were like a new person.  So happy.  You sound like a beautiful wife in love with her husband.  That’s the spirit.  That’s my wife. That letter perked me up so much. 

Maybe I was a little too rough on you above but I don’t want you to be miserable.  Hey, life isn’t bad is it?  Because in life there is love and love isn’t even bad.  It’s wonderful.

You can bet we’re going to enjoy your pregnancy when it happens.  I’m glad you’re not worried anymore or upset about it.  It’s something to look forward to not back on.  We’re going to be so happy.  I just know it.

You wanted to know about the climate.  Well, three letters do it, HOT.

Can’t seem to wait for those cookies.  My old mouth just waters.

Honey, I love you so much.  I’m sorry if I upset you but somethings have to be said.  I don’t want you to suffer one little bit.  I love you too much. 

I have your picture on a box so that when I walk in it’s the first thing I see?   You know something?  You’re beautiful. I’m sitting here looking for words that can express myself but they just stick in my chest and won’t come out.  I feel them but I can’t write them.  But you should know that they are there.

My Darling, believe in me and seek me when you need strength.  I love you more than anything.

Your Loving Husband,

Frank

P.S.  Tell me how much you love me every night.

After Frank folded the above letter he wrote, “I Love You, Lou, Very Much, Frank”, on the letter then put it into an envelope to mail to me.

I think the most revealing thing about the letters above is how quickly our emotions could change in letters to each other but the most amazing thing in the letters above is, Frank got what he needed from me in my letter the next day saying I was okay.  God had a beautiful way of easing our thoughts and fears.

March 10, 1971

Dear Lou,

How’s every little thing with you today?  I love you, you know that don’t you? I just got off work and now I’m writing to you.  I wrote my folks and Lloyd last night.  I wrote to our friends in Okinawa just a few seconds ago.  I saved you for last because I like writing to you the best.  And I have more than half a page to tell you.

First, let me say that I love you so much.  Roy Orbison is singing “Only the Lonely”.  Boy does that hurt.  It makes me sad at first then happy.  It makes me sad because I miss you and songs make me feel it that much more.  It also makes me happy because I think of the day when I’m holding you and hear the same songs and then I’ll laugh cause nothing will ever make me sad again. I’m so happy to be in love with you.  You make life perfect.

Pretty soon life will also be perfect when I can hold you again and whisper in your ear how much I care, then once again we’ll laugh, cry, and love together. We’re really lucky, you know it?  When you feel low just count your blessings.  I do and I get unhappy in about two seconds.

I got your letter yesterday where you got the V.W. stuck.  I hope you didn’t hurt yourself trying to get it out.  It’s not giving you any trouble, is it?  I hope not.

I hope you’re not depressed anymore.  I know it’s hard not to be but you know the depressed state will end one day and then you will never be depressed again.  I promise.  I’m going to make you so happy.

I’ll try to take some pictures of here and send them to you, so you can get some idea of what it looks like.

I love you, Nancy.  You give me the strength to face each day.  I love you more than this pen and paper can say.  I’ll try to send you a tape as soon as I get the recorder and some tapes.

Well, I’d better close and go eat before it closes.  I love you with all my heart.  Pray for me as I pray for you and love me as I love you.

Your Loving Husband,

Frank

P.S.  I love you, my wife.

Frank was writing to everyone which was really a good sign.  Our friends in Okinawa were writing to both of us trying to support us through our separation.  They were all very aware of our deep love for each other and knew the sacrifice Frank had made by volunteering to go to Vietnam so others would not have to.

March 12, 1971,

Dear Nancy,

Dear Wife, Dear Lou, Dear Love.  How many adjectives can I use to describe my love for you?  I dearly love you and I miss you so much, Nancy. 

God, I love you so much it hurts me inside. What could be more beautiful and wonderful than hurting for someone? To miss and need someone so much that you feel dead inside when you’re separated? To love someone so much that you want to cry and scream when you lie at night and think of the love you feel and the love you left waiting. 

It’s beautiful but it’s pitiful too. It’s great to think that this separation isn’t weakening our love or our feelings for each other, it’s making it stronger.  It’s no longer a test of our love.  It’s a strengthening of it.  There’s no reason to doubt each other because we know each other too well.  Why should it be a test of our love?  It’s been tested before and it’s still strong.

We’re lucky, Lou, I look around me and see so many people that aren’t as fortunate as us.  Their love is being tested and it’s worse for them than me.  I know you.  I can almost feel what you feel, see what you see, and know what you’re thinking.  I don’t have to get used to you and to learn how you are and you learn about me. I love you and so I got to know you. 

I know you’re having one hell of a time now.  That makes me feel very low but what can I do?  I’m just thankful I don’t have to worry about you as far as money, unfaithfulness, and being unresponsible are concerned. We’re very lucky. 

I feel we’ve both grown up to face the responsibilities we both have and to face them and still remain in love.  You know we’ve had hell ever since we’ve been married and yet here we are, still in love and still happy with each other.  Kinda makes you feel real proud, doesn’t it?

Thanks for your love, Nancy.  May God hear our prayers and grant us our day of reunion.

Your Loving Husband,

Frank

P.S.  Kiss me.  No, don’t I’m too horny.  I miss you so much.

P.S.P.S.  Well, I can’t sleep so here’s some more from the dope.  “I’ve got all the riches one man could ever claim”  that’s what the Lettermen say in their song.  These are songs I hear that remind me of you and make me so lonely.  I’d like for you to hear them and if you do think of me.

  1.  “For Just Once in My Life” by Otis Redding or the Righteous Brothers
  2. “Unchained Melody”  (Guess who?)
  3. “Don’t Want to Leave Her Now”  by Beatles  (One of my favorites)  
  4. “Scotty”  by Bobby Goldsboro  (maybe we could name a son)
  5. “My Girl” by The Temptations  
  6. “A Natural Woman”  by Aretha Franklin (of course you know what I mean)

These songs make me feel like punching something out.  I get so tight inside I feel like bursting. God am I going to make you happy when I get home.  When I hear these songs when I get home to you I’m going to laugh and reach out to you and hold you close and kiss you then I’ll know everything’s alright.

I’ll never leave you again.  Could anything be as right as our loving each other?  What’s to fight us?  We’ve fought the best and knocked out them all.  We’re tough.  Next week we fight Cassius Clay.  HA! HA!  No, seriously, I believe we’ve got it almost made.  Couple more months we’ll have it made.

I’ve picked the right person to be on my side. You’ve been there through it all and I know you’ll be there when the smoke clears.  I thank God for you.  Darling thanks for being there when the going gets tough and thanks for being there when it is over.  I never want to see you frown ever again.  We’re going to be so happy.  So happy!

I love you so much, Nancy.  Well, had better close for now so I can crash.  Just remember I love you more than I can express but you can bet I’ll show you when that day comes.

Once again,

Frank

P.S.  just one more kiss, Please.

We were one heart and one soul tightly woven into one thread of love for eternity.

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10 Comments

  1. Another winner. It is really encouraging to read these letters and know that Frank did come back to you and you had that opportunity to love each other close up and forever. I pray that others experiencing separation from one another for whatever reason will take comfort and learn how to love even while apart, how to express that love to solidify their relationship. God bless you, Nancy.

    • Thank you so much Diane. We had been separate for short times before but the ideal of Frank being in a War zone made the fear so hard but our love only grew.
      Thank you for reading and commenting.
      God Bless You
      Nancy

  2. I guess I will say it again. Frank Henderson epitomizes Manhood. He truly understood what men should be and how to share. You were truly blessed and thanks for sharing. I have directed several young men to your site.

    • Thank you so much Chuck. I appreciate all you have done and do for me.
      Yes, Frank was a true loving, beautiful man. His love for me was real and gives me unbelievable strength everyday. Being truly loved by him and truly loving him is the Greatest Gift God could ever give me. I am so blessed.
      Thank you for reading and sharing with others.God Bless You.
      Nancy

  3. If your posts make me any more sentimental, I am going to have to stop reading your blog Nancy.

    When I was doing my army service at the same time as Frank, we had a radio programme called Forces Favourites on a Saturday afternoon. A woman announcer with a lovely voice read messages from wives, girlfriends, children, parents and played songs they requested for us. Her name was Sally Donaldson, she did it for years. Sadly she is no longer with us.

    Some of those songs especially the Beatles one, Scotty, and Unchained Melody that reminded Frank of you had the same effect on me and my fellow soldiers.

    If we were not on patrol, we would huddle around a small transistor radio in our base camp or out in the bush trying to hear our names through the hiss of static and the raucous (and envious) mockery of our mates if our messages were too soppy. A typical ending was …..with licks and kisses from Brutus the dog.

    Your post and Frank’s letters transported me back to sitting under trees in the heat of the Zambezi valley nearly 50 years ago.

    I agree with Chuck, Frank set a wonderful example for young men today. Your blog should be compulsory reading for all high school boys – and girls.

    • Thank you so much Peter. Frank was a special man. Everyone always told him he was an old soul in a young man’s body.
      The music brings back so many memories for me. We loved music and it played in our home all of the time.
      It has been very nostalgic for me to play these songs as I type his letters.
      I pray this book will be an inspiration to what it takes to really work at Marriage. It takes true devoted love to each other, sacrifice,commitment,patience, understanding, and trusting in God.
      Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and your encouraging words.
      God Bless You, Peter
      Nancy

  4. AH… the marvels of snail mail! The ability to take a break and return to writing in a totally different mood… the discourse as letters passed each other and reflected different thoughts and emotions. So touching…

    • Yes, one day could change a mood. Frank and I were both fighters for our love and marriage. We totally depended on each other regardless of how far apart we were. We would get tough on each other sometimes in letters but it was to help each other pull out that extra fight inside to overcome depression. Thank you for reading and commenting Kim. I really appreciate it.
      God Bless You,
      Nancy

  5. Lovely letters from a very loving and true man for his loving wife, each suffering from their empty aching arms, waiting for the wonderful time when they holdtheir true love closeto each other’s heart, they are seperated by space, but their mind. soul and hearts and thoughts are constantly upon each other, love , Caroline

    • Thank you so much for reading and commenting Caroline.
      You are so right our love could not be separated by any obstacle.
      As I reread and then type these letters into chapters, I feel his love surround me and I feel him here by my side. I thank God everyday for sending this Beautiful Man to love me with all his heart and soul. My love for Frank has never wavered but grows more everyday. He is my love for eternity and owns my heart.
      God Bless You and thank you again,
      Love Nancy

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