A Tape & Another Gift

Dear Nancy,

Guess what I got in the mail today?  A tape from you.  How about that?  That’s great.  I’m listening to it now and wow just wow.  Well, I’m not worried about a place to sleep anymore.  Sounds so nice to me.  Not very restful but a helluva lot of fun.

Don’t worry about the job.  It makes me so damn mad at those people.  I don’t want you to work for them part-time or any time.  I wish I was there cause I’d punch the kid right in the face.  No one had better ever hurt you while I’m there cause it pisses me off so damn much.  I’m easy going and very peaceful but when someone hurts you, I’ve got no patience or control.

If you want to loaf as you said, you go right on and do just that.  I’m afraid you’ll get bored with it and want to work again.  Just relax and take it easy for a while until you feel like working again.  How are you set for money?  If you think you need more than $250, I’ll see if I can get by on less.  Let me know. 

It hurts me to hear of you being hurt.  So do what you want.  But don’t do anything that you don’t want to do.  I’m behind you 100% anything you want to do.  You’re my wife and I’m with you in whatever you want.  The only thing I ask is that you’ll always love me and be faithful to me.  That’s the most important thing in my mind.  It’s the only thing I expect of you and it’s the only thing I want out of life.

I can’t tell you what the other gift is so just you wait.  HA! HA! HA!

You still cry a lot, don’t you?  You cry baby you.  I love it.  It shows me just how much you love me and there’s nothing wrong with that.  You’re wonderful, Nancy.  I love everything about you.

That song by Tom Jones, “She’s A Lady”, expresses exactly how I feel about you.  He may sing it but no one can feel it and mean it as I do.  We’re the top people in the world of love.  We’ve got it above everyone else because what we feel, we feel so strongly.  I really don’t see how anyone could love as we do. 

We’ve got it.  We’ve always had it.  The way I see it we’ll never ever lose it either. I can’t express how much I feel toward you.  I can’t express just how strong my love for you is or how much you mean to me.  I think you know how I feel though.  Everything is going to be just great when I get out.  I can’t foresee any troubles ever.

After this separation life will be so beautiful.  Instead of lying in my bunk and thinking of you I can just reach out my hands and you’ll be there.  I won’t have to try and express myself on paper, I can just look in your eyes and say the things I’ve had so much trouble saying on paper.  

I love you so much my, Darling.

All My Love to My Darling, Nancy,

Frank

P.S. 239 DLITA

Dear Nancy,

Howdy!  How’s my wife doing this day?  I hope you’re as happy as I am.

Hell, I’ve got to tell you.  No!!! I can’t do it.  I’ve got a surprise coming up for you.  I want to tell you but I want to surprise you.  I’ll let you in on part of it and let you wonder and guess what it is.  

First off, I’ll only be sending $100 home this month if it’s alright with you.  Lee wants to borrow another $100 so he can finish his car off this month.  Then next month he’ll give me $300 on payday to send home.  Could you let me know how much we have in the bank?  I don’t want to send you my surprise if it’ll put you in any kind of bind. 

The other $50 will be for your surprise.   Don’t tell me no for any other reason than money.  Cause it’s something I want to do for you.  I enjoy doing things for you cause I know it makes you happy and anything that makes you happy pleases me so much. I have to order it and it’ll probably there anywhere from the 1st-15th of July, I hope.  I’ll send it airmail so you’ll get it sooner and then stop pestering me with questions about it.

Did you ever get your other gift?  The one for our Anniversary?  If you didn’t, let me know so I can write them and find out about it.

Your (curiosity) getting to you?  I hope so!  HA! HA!  I think you’ll enjoy it, I hope you will.

I Love You.  Can’t believe I’ve written this much and haven’t said that at least ten times yet.  I do love you, Nancy.  I don’t even have to write that, you know it.  Just like you don’t have to say it either but I know you do.  Still, it’s good to see it or hear it. 

I can’t tell you how much that tape meant to me, Nancy.  Just to hear your voice and hear you say, “I love you”.  As soon as I can find someone’s tape player that works and find a microphone, I promise I’ll be sending one to you.

How does it feel to be the most loved person in the world?  That’s exactly what you are.  I want to hold you close to me and talk to you and just hold you forever.  In 236 days, I will.  I’m going to build you a chair in the John so when I have to go, you can set there with me.  HA! HA! I don’t want you out of my sight.

Honey, I’d better get some pigs.  I love you and we’re great together.  Take care of yourself for me and remember me in your prayers as I remember you.  Just always know I’ll love you and I need you.

Your Loving Husband,

Frank

P.S.  237 DLITA

Dear Nancy,

Well, I figured that I’d better write and let you know that the kid is still alive an kicking.  Plus, I need to let you know that I love you because you are probably depressed and think the whole world is against you.  So now I’m trying to understand and help you along.

I’m happy that there are people that are together and are fortunate to be having kids.  Just because we didn’t get our way yet isn’t a reason to be upset.  If you feel it is your fault go to the doctor and find out then there will be no room for doubt.  Then if you can’t you can learn to accept it.  If not then fine.  knowing one way or the other is better than torturing yourself. Just get an appointment and tell him that you’re tired of maybes then tell him to just find if anything is wrong.  If there is get it fixed if not we’ll take care of the rest ourselves. 

I know you want a baby and so do I but I don’t want to let it worry us the rest of our lives.  We could love an adopted child just as much as we could one of our own if we couldn’t have one.  So, find out and we’ll accept the answers whichever way it is.

Let me quote you some of your statements:

“..if you can bear life without a child of your own flesh…”

“Frank, you’d have to love me an awful lot to love me just for me.”

Let’s take the first one and the second one together.  Could I bear life without a child of my own flesh and love you for just you?  In other words, could I love you if you couldn’t give me a child?  Let me ask you something.  Would you still love me and accept me even if I couldn’t give you a child?  Would your love be strong enough to take me and only me?  Doesn’t that may your questions seem silly?  Your answers are probably the exact as mine, so why ask?

I want to tell you something, Nancy.  Rex, that friend of mine that left who was having trouble with his wife, would have traded me his going home and his child to have the undying love I have waiting for me.  So why should I let something like our ability to have a child worry me to death when I’ve got something that plenty of people don’t have but really want. 

I’ve got you and by God, that’s all I need to get me through anything.  If we have a child then wonderful.  It’ll make us both very happy but it’s not essential for our happiness. We’ll have a baby.  Either we’ll have one or we’ll adopt one either way it’ll be our baby and we’ll love it just as much either way.

Listen, Darling, I know it’s hard on you being alone and working and having to do everything by yourself.  I worry about these things constantly.  The only thing I can do from here is to write to you and try and give you strength and hope that my love for you and your love for me is strong enough to keep you going.  That’s all I can do Nancy.

For God’s sake, don’t you realize how I just want to pull my hair out when I read how depressed and upset you are at times because there isn’t any way I can put my arms around you and hold you and tell you everything is going to be fine.  I can’t take the burden off your shoulders and take care of you.  This is the most helpless feeling in the world.

You know that I couldn’t possibly love you more than I do and I’ll always feel this way.  Please accept this and believe in me.  I want you to have faith in my love and in the things I do and say.  I’m not going to lie to you and I’ll never ever hurt you.

Just accept the fact that we have 234 days left in this Army.  It’s a long time or a short time, it all depends on you.  This time has to be spent at a rate of 24 hours a day 30 days a month.  No matter how you look at it the time will always pass at the same rate and if you make the best of it it’ll make the time more pleasant and easier to pass.  If you do like me and count my days every day it appears to be going slow.

What all this letter boils down to is that I love you for you not for anything else just you and I don’t want you feeling low and depressed, I just want you to love me and wait anxiously for my return.  I don’t like seeing you depressed because you’re my love and it hurts me to see or hear from you in this way.

So Darling put the old chin out and smile.  I know that both of our chins are getting weary but they’ll last.  We’ve got what we need and that’s faith and love in each other so we can fight the best they can put up against us.

I’d better close for now.  Take care my most precious Darling and as I said have faith in me, I won’t fail you.  Good night and may God bless you and watch over you for me till once again I’m able to do it myself.

All My Love for my Darling,

Frank

P.S.  The V.C. have been getting addresses off of old letters, so if you get a letter about me being hurt or dead don’t believe it.  It’s gruesome but they’ve been known to do it to create resentment towards the Army.  I’m sorry I have to write about this but I feel it’s better for you to know than to worry if it happened.  Ok?  No sweat.  See you soon.  I love you Lots and Lots.